Adult fun

As of recently, I have come to note that, among many of my peers from high school, college, etc., it is quite trendy to either become a) engaged or b) married. Kind of like gladiator sandals and adult rompers. Some even have babies... ew. I am 23; when you add those two digits together, you get 5, which is much closer to my actual age. I might be a little less perturbed by said 'adult fun' if I were, oh, on the brink of 30; but, let's remember, I am 23, which basically means I am still celebrating my 21st birthday more frequently than infrequently.

Now, in reflection of all of these unions of love, life long commitment, and probably some sort of spawn, I have no desire to rant about how they are wasting long nights and mornings complete with jello shot serving midgets, bottle service at ultra lounges, free Kamikazes and plenty o' stranger fun. I am a rational person and understand that this is not everyone's forte. I have deduced, however, a few things about myself, specifically in terms of everyone's pre-nuptial ceremony: the bachelorette party.

First of all, I am pretty sure that I have a bachelorette party every weekend- sans penis-antlers and like-minded paraphernalia, of course ( men generally aren't attracted to women with a glitt'ry phallus attached to her forehead unless, of course, they bat for both teams). Looking at the laundry list of bachelorette activities, they are actually pretty ordinary. Get 3 guys' phone numbers? Check- but often in reverse, sometimes not even my number or name. Take a shot with a strange man? Standard- risk taker, I know. Take your bra off in public? frequently, why be uncomfortable? It is also really hard to fist pump to "Poker Face" when your strapless is halfway down your torso. Kiss a bachelor? not challenging in the least.

The list continues, but not one item on the list piques my interest: dance on a pole! flirt with the bar tender! flirt with six guys at once! Seduce a married man! Ok, the last one is not on the list but at least it would be/ was a somewhat challenging feat. The only thing I don't do on the list is blow... kisses- please, it's not 1952.

Hence, as I enter my mid-twenties, I have decided that I will have a bachelorette party for the sheer sake of celebrating a continuation of bachelorette-esque novelties. However, as I love challenges and games, this list will not entail aforementioned run of the mill, easy activities.

Here are some ideas I am contemplating:

smell a stranger's armpit and ask them where they bought their deodorant

convince a stranger that you had a one night stand 2 years ago (how can you not remember me?!?!)

find the oldest man ever and ask him if he would like to disco dance

dance with two guys at once who don't know each other

place a balloon or rolled up scarves under your shirt nad convince people to give you money for your child out of wedlock

find a bald man and rub his head to make a wish!

get a man's briefs (without leaving a public locale...)
give a new friend (male or female) a hug and as you pull away sniff their neck sensuously ( a man i met at the pool one day taught me this trick, it's called "the sniggle")

Convince a big man to give you a piggyback ride/ throw you over his shoulders and carry you to the next venue

convince a stranger to dance on an elevated surface for you

find a rando motorcycle, pose by it, and yell at a man to come take a ride with you

Walk up to a man and say "what fucks like a tiger and winks?" hopefully, that man will respond "what" and then do a corner turn and wink seductively. The storm off before he can even respond.

get kicked out of a bar....


oh, this list could go on and on and on and on and on....