Deep Thoughts by White Kong

Given that White Kong has side stepped his way into the mensa category as far as IQs go, I find his deep thoughts rather compelling and a bit contradictory.

With the help of my sister, Emily, I have gathered a couple of conversational snippets surrounding the following topics: food and chicks. These topics, of course, consume at least 70% of male brain capacity. White Kong, evidently, is not all that much different. He is also obsessed with Rhianna.

White Kong on Food

the scene: White Kong chats with Emily on Sunday afternoon via google chat.

For the last five years, my sister Emily has been seeking hard evidence that White Kong is, in fact, not straight. I am not certain where this burning desire has come from, but she is convinced that one day White Kong will be clipping along at her side to help her decide between Oliver Peoples and Tory Burch shades:

Emily: our brother is for sure gay

3:10 PM
me: why

Emily: he said that he has perfected his crepe making techniques

and then said: jill loves to ruin potentially good stuff with her horrible tastes;
case and point: loaves of banana bread made today were tainted with nuts
they were thus rendered inedible.

Then he said this: my crepe prowess is unstoppable

me: wow, are you saving this as documentation?

Emily: then I asked: how were the lasagna rolls?

he said: theyre probably gonna suck- jill fucking put spinach in them.

me: i mean....

3:12 PM
Emily: oh and this too: Me: father of the bride is on!! WK: what movie is that - cus im in the mood for a tom hanks meg ryan duet.

me: he said that?!?

3:13 PM Emily: yes

Do I think Emily's beliefs are just a bit unfounded? Yes... I mean, just because White Kong enjoys whipping up french pastries does not render him a homosexual. He was also pretty adamant that he does not like nuts, nor was he certain of the contents of Father of the Bride.

White Kong on Chicks

the scene: 10 pm EST White Kong chats with Emily's 21 year old roommate, Amanda, via google chat.

amanda: WK do you like bcbg dresses?

WK: which line

amanda: wow you are so gay... max azria duh

WK: well in that case i guess they're not too bad, a little pricey but you can't really get past that

amanda: its okay you can redeem yourself at prom with kitsi if you know what i mean

WK: you want me to hit it and quit it

amanda:YES!
WK: despite this little 18 year dry spell, ill do my bestfor you, at least

Later on, Emily got in on the action... never did it occur to her how mentally disturbing it is to hear one's 17 year old brother utter the phrase: hit it or quit it:

Emily: are you going to make out with kitsi after prom

WK: oh, of course

Emily: reallly??? damn Kong!
WK: well duh, im not spending 100 bucks on this bitch and not getting at least a little lip
After reading this, I was not sure whether I should laugh, cry or be impressed by WK's grasp of his dry spell reality and decision to take some very concrete action steps toward hooking some lip. Was my sunburned little brother who could say his alphabet backwards in 37 seconds at 16 months (thus giving my mother Aspbergers paranoia) really capable of hitting it?
I much prefer to picture White Kong in intense gaming mode instead of working on his game. I guess he listens to too much Rhianna lately.
In any case, I have documented both of these conversations as burdens of proof against Emily's allegations about WK's sexuality. I also would prefer not to hear Rude Boy by Rihanna.