Old Man Face Baby

While home sick with a 24-36 hour bug, I had the gross opportunity to watch an obscene amount of TLC, including shows about regular babies, babies born in tents, and babies born unto former junkies. That said, I found myself deliberating over whether the crack baby or the homeless baby was cuter. I know I should feel bad about this, but I was feverish and trying to keep down gatorade.

All of this got me thinking about how the disparity of attractiveness among babies is just as broad as that of children and adults. Sometimes, babies are just plain homely. Luckily, their parents have no idea.

One Sunday morning, right before heading to Sedona for a day hike, my boyfriend and I stopped into an Einstein's on the way. After paying for our bagels and waiting a little too long for the toasting process, we came face to face with Old-Man-Face Baby. Or, rather, Reid did as OMF B could have really cared less if i was there or not. OMF B craned his head around and scowled at Reid with his shriveled up face and baby food sodden grin. He had the tenacity of a mongoose. He also had a six-head.

"that baby's staring at you," I said to him, pointing at OMF B. OMF B had worry wrinkles on his sixhead that were tensing by the moment. OMF B's mom turned his head away to feed him again, but the moment she turned to another child it was game on again.

"Do you know that baby?" I asked, starting to wonder if he had made fun of it in grocery store in passing one day or something like that.

"No, why would I know that baby? Maybe he likes me," he said, raising his eyes at OMFB.

OMF B just smirked and driveled baby food down his chin. Reid stuck his tongue out at OMF B. The baby didn't blink but the mom was not amused.

Luckily, our order was ready. We grabbed it, hopped in the car, and made fun of the baby for about 20 minutes.